She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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