So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
