I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
