Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
