just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
