You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
