Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
vagina is talking i cant
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
