there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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