My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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