This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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