If that was your dad, he is hot
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
