I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
