i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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