That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize