If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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