Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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