why didn't you poke me back
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
