I can text with my tongue
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
