My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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