Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Ambien. No doubt about it.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
