I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
