true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize