Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
