tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize