She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
