A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
