i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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