just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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