2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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