I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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