Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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