so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
