I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
