I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
