At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
