shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
