it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
