Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
