I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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