Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
