just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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