also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
