I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize