So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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