Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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