is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Be still, my beating vagina.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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