It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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