i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
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