I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
