This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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