i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize