drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
