If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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