I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize