I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
