maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
