oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I forgot how hot balto sounded
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
