Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
