This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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