i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize