oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
