I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
