Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
where does the pee come out of this thing
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
