Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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