I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
