do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
