If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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