3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
