she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
