I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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