SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
