Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
