I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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