My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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