I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
