The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Vodka?
Forever.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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