We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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