Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My feet surprised me
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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