I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
