I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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