you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
The best revenge is premature balding
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
