he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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