my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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