i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
