I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
