first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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