Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
