I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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