don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
