Im at strip club and am horny
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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