His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
