AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
