its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
