I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
barbara walters just said penis...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
