I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
