he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
