Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize