this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
