the day after is always just damage control
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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