Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
