Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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