think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize