Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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