He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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