i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
