You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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