haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
