You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
