you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
