Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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