Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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