Define "chronic" masturbator.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
