You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Shame - the story of my life.
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