Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He's on the porch naked. Help.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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