not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
