Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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