The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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