he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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