I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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