you mean i was at the winter classic?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
