There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
