I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
