i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
When did angry sex become our thing?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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